Cocking A Snook Too!

Independent, Irreverent Unschoolers – or at least one – Take On the Universe

Teabagging John Adams: Or, a Brief List of Things About Which I Have Recently Become Enraged April 16, 2009

The greatest satirists of our age

The greatest satirists of our age

I haven’t blogged in a long time.

The Rick Steves thing doesn’t count, I phoned that in. But it’s just been that this last semester there hasn’t been that much to write about. Obama won the election; Sarah Palin was returned to the padded cell that is Alaska; John McCain seems to have rid himself of the Venom Symbiote; Scott McClellan revealed once and for all that Fox News was not only a Bush shill but a Bush mouthpiece, and there was Peace and Harmony Throughout the Land. Mostly. Enough.

There wasn’t much to be enraged about, really. The few rabid conservatives still showing their pasty faces were like amusing court jesters, or Vegas contortionists – a little disturbing, a little macabre, but ultimately hilarious. I mean, have you seen those people on Morning Joe? They’re a freaking laugh riot! There’s that blonde one whose father is an economist, but she doesn’t know anything about anything; and Pat Buchanan comes on sometimes to kill hippies live-on-air, and OMG, that stupid jerky one who pretends he used to be a Congressman? Joe? He’s better than Stephen Colbert.

But my ire has slowly but surely begun to rise. It all began with this Rhodes Scholar, right here:

Michelle Bachmann, fucking insane

Michelle Bachmann, fucking insane

Does anyone else remember that episode of How I Met Your Mother where the subplot was all about not dating girls with “crazy eyes?” That’s what Michelle Bachmann makes me think of. Crazy. Eyes. Like she wants to seduce me in an elevator and then kill my rabbit. Just sayin’.

She’s been on my radar since her fittingly disastrous Hardball appearance, when she basically suggested that we reinstate the McCarthy hearings. Every time I hear her name, it’s because she said something yet more awful. In an era of increasing globalization, ennui, and mediocrity, this woman outdoes herself every single time. A week or two ago she suggested that AmeriCore was going to turn into a “mandatory re-education camp.”

Check out this highlights reel. Nuckin’ futs.

Anyway, not too long ago, Bachmann made the following statement, which, as Dave Barry would say, I swear I am not making up:

“The Founding Fathers fought against taxation without representation.

Today we have taxation with representation.

I wonder what they’d think of that!”

(crowd goes wild)

Much as I hate to burst her crazy little bubble, I gotta say: I think the Founding Fathers would be pretty goddamn psyched about taxation with representation, considering that the right to it was what spurred them to revolution.

I dont even know what this means

I don't even know what this means

But the Republican base, as usual, is much more interested in style than substance.

“Tea Parties” have “spontaneously” “sprung up” “all over the country.”

Translation: “Uninformed protests” have been “organized and publicized by Fox News” “in cities in which they could scrape up a couple hundred, or in some cases, a couple dozen, people.”

The gimmick here is painful to grammarians and historians alike. TEA is supposedly an acronym for “Taxed Enough Already” (by whom? The guy who spiked taxes on the middle class is gone, the last time I checked), and is supposed to serve as a schlocky tie-in to the Boston Tea Party of 1773, an event so shrouded in American glory and self-serving mythology that apparently not one conservative involved in these protests remembers what prompted the Boston Tea Party in the first place or what happened once it was afoot.

The American Colonists were protesting a very specific act, which they saw as the embodiment of every unfair law Britain had ever imposed upon them. The act was known as “The Tea Act,” therefore their boarding of a tradeship by night and dumping all the tea into Boston Harbor made perfect logical sense. Fancy that!

Educated men with genuine legal grievance

Educated men with a genuine legal grievance

Also, may I point out, the colonists had no real problem paying taxes. They just argued, completely reasonably, that since they had not voted for a representative in Parliament – since they had had no opportunity to cast a vote in a free an open election for a legal representative to lobby for their interests as citizens of the crown – that any laws restricting their rights as citizens were inherently unjust.

These new protesters, though, have nothing discernible  to complain about. At first, it seems like they’re upset that their taxes are too high, and then you remember that President Obama has not only not raised taxes on the middle class, he has lowered them. Then you think that the protesters are angry that they have no representatives in congress – except, wait a minute, I think I might be onto something, THEY TOTALLY HAVE MULTIPLE CONGRESSPEOPLE AND SENATORS IN CONGRESS RIGHT THIS SECOND WHO ARE ULTIMATELY ACCOUNTABLE TO THE WILL OF THESE VERY PEOPLE, crazy though these people are.

It’s a common “elitist liberal” jab that many in the conservative base are uneducated, but seriously, some of these people sound like they dropped out of school before the lecture on civics in the sixth grade.

These people, as Jon Stewart so eloquently put it, seem “to have confused ‘tyranny’ with ‘losing.'”

While watching the Fox coverage of the protests (which was a mistake) I heard several gentlemen (I use the term loosely) posit that they did not, in fact, have any elected representatives, because the person they’d voted for had lost.

What?

Really, what?

I had no idea there were people out there who were this ignorant, although I suppose it explains the continued popularity of Hannity, Limbaugh, et al. These people genuinely don’t get how democracy works. Yes, the guy you voted for lost, but you’re missing the point here: you voted. You went into a little booth and you cast a ballot and you made your stupid, twangy voice heard, and it echoed over the purple mountains and skimmed along the fruited plain. It counted for something, which is all the Founding Fathers wanted for you, yes you, you dumb hillbillies who never learned to spell the word “already” (I’m looking at you, guy obviously in his mid-twenties and holding a sign that says “Im only 15 and I alredy owe $36,000 in TAXES”), because they fought and risked treason and finagled so that you, the people, could have the rights they were denied.

People just don’t think anymore. If they thought ever. Check out this woman, who I’ve written about before. She’s the kind of American who made me want to tell foreigners I was Canadian during the Bush administration, and she’s the kind of homeschooling mom who (still) makes me want to tell people I was public-schooled. I think she thinks it’s unfair that I mention her as often as I do, but that’s no way to look at it. Shouldn’t the criticism of an elitist intellectual pinko atheist draft-dodging book-reader like myself give her lots of street cred in the Ron Paul supporter bunker-living community? And after all, isn’t horrified fascination the sincerest form of flattery?

And now we reach the true poetic irony of this whole situation: Ignorant conservative pundits failed to research the recreational sexual practices of humans before they went on Fox to talk about their little protests, and – I cannot stress this enough – by their own hand ensured that the practice would come to be known as “teabagging.”

If you aren’t familiar with the slang verb “to teabag,” I urge you, DO NOT GOOGLE IT. Just don’t. If you really want to know, look it up in the urban dictionary. Your level of disgust should be directly proportionate to how old you are and how many children you have.

If you know what it is, or have looked it up and recovered from the cooties, may I now present the long-awaited irony:

The people the conservatives are really teabagging

The people the conservatives are really teabagging

The term “teabagging” could not possibly be more appropriate. These people seem to think that they are honoring the sacrifices of the Founding Fathers when they are, in fact, teabagging them. Really.

Do these people have any idea that John Adams hated mobs? Hated them? Even when the mob was protesting something relevant, he preached level heads and the use of words and the law. Do these people know that he represented the British soldiers in court after the Boston Massacre, so sure was he that they had fired into the crowd in response to significant provocation from the drunken, out-of-control mob?

Adams, Jefferson, Franklin, Payne – these guys you teabaggers keep citing as American heroes who hated taxes were men of breeding and education. They were revolutionaries, yes, but they changed the world not through yelling and hatred and fear-mongering but through words. They changed the world by creating things, not destroying things.

They created this country in which you have the right to have stupid, irrelevant protests about things that aren’t even actually happening. Having these little “tea parties,” as you conservatives call them, is absolutely your right, because the Founding Fathers broke new ground, wrote new law, and made a new country for you so you could be the biggest, loudest idiots you want.

Just remember: every time you drag them into your vortex of stupid, as you are now, you’re teabagging them, right in the face.

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12 Responses to “Teabagging John Adams: Or, a Brief List of Things About Which I Have Recently Become Enraged”

  1. Luckily the vast majority of America, and in fact, the World does not take Republican America seriously any more.

  2. […] Teabagging John Adams, or a brief list of things about which I have recently become enraged […]

  3. NanceConfer Says:

    The Founders as white male property owners looking to protect their property is another view that seems to escape the teabaggers and their ilk. They could read and write and they owned stuff and they wanted to set up the country and run it to their advantage.

    To hear the Joe the Plumber types, you’d think it was all about helping the working class or some other crap.

    Good analysis of our latest insanity! Enjoy the roadtrip! 🙂

    Nance

  4. […] Teabagging John Adams: Or, a Brief List of Things About Which I Have Recently Become Enraged «… – I can#039;t find the motivation to write anything interesting – and 18 year olds are writing awesome take downs of the tea bagging rebels without a clue. Maybe blogging is a young persons game. […]

  5. writestuff444 Says:

    Nice job…smart, clever and funny…Hmmm..you must be JJ’s daughter. Hope that is a compliment to you. It’s meant to be. Love your grasp of the basic core philosophies of those Founding Fathers that the GOP Right likes to claim as their own…but haven’t quite grasped the finer points..:)

  6. JJ Says:

    See, homeschool parents can be thoughtful, compassionate, liberal too — not just Useful Idiots! 😉
    Love, mom

  7. penguindust Says:

    I just saw this amazing video: The Daily Show’s John Oliver tells the teabaggers wot’s wot.

    Oliver: This is quite insulting to a British person. I mean, we were tyrannical beyond this government’s wildest dreams. Do you even remember what we did to you people?

    http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=224276&title=Tea-Party-Tyranny

  8. writestuff444 Says:

    Oliver, hysterically funny always. I saw the original show..his interviewees…never even realized he was “insulting” them. 🙂

    Wonder where the tea party hubbub will end up?

    Lots of tea bag hysteria on Fox and about Fox covering it…as legitimate news instead of right wing propaganda.

  9. photopercy13 Says:

    I know that i am swimming against the current by being here, but there are many ways to get across a point without thhrowing insults in every other sentence.
    Also, you forgoty one majot point in your speech – the 2009 tea parties were not a protest against taxation, they were a protest against government spending.

  10. penguindust Says:

    I agree that there are many, many different ways to get across a point without resorting to baseless insults, which is one of the reasons I was so taken aback by the protesters waving signs of Obama with a Hitler mustache, or signs which read, “Taxpayers are Jews in Obama’s ovens.”

    And I think you’ll excuse me if I fail to understand how an event whose name is an acronym for “Taxed Enough Already” is not an event protesting taxes. You may have noticed that the governor of Texas, a major supporter of this whole teabagging idea, is threatening to secede because of the tax rate (which is pretty hilarious when you consider that Texas gets back in federal money every dollar they pay in taxes).

  11. photopercy13 Says:

    Go back and find the original people starting the protests and their comments. All protest get some fringe groups that don’t really associated to the original and form their own protests. These are the people that the media called teabaggers ( quite a gross term) and plastered across the screens to make their point, not the point of the protest. The protesters did not call themselves teabaggers, they were having tea parties.
    I agree that Hitler comparisons are way beyond decency, but again do we pick and choose the people we want to show or do we look for the purpose to the event. The media causes more problems than regular people do, time to think for ourselves instead being reactionary to bias media.

  12. JJ Says:

    Looks like the commenter hasn’t taken that advice him/herself, because the “original people starting the protests” are known already, to anyone who DOES take that advice and likes to figure out who’s really peddling what:

    Despite these attempts to make the “movement” appear organic, the principle organizers of the local events are actually the lobbyist-run think tanks Americans for Prosperity and Freedom Works. The two groups are heavily staffed
    and well funded, and are providing all the logistical and public relations work necessary for planning coast-to-coast protests:

    — Freedom Works staffers coordinate conference calls among protesters, contacting conservative activists to give them “sign ideas, sample press releases, and a map of events around the country.”

    — Freedom Works staffers apparently moved to “take over” the planning of local events in Florida.

    — Freedom Works provides how-to guides for delivering a “clear message” to the public and media.

    — Freedom Works has several domain addresses — some of them made to look like they were set up by amateurs — to promote the protests.

    — Americans for Prosperity is writing press releases and planning the events in New Jersey, Arizona, New Hampshire, Missouri, Kansas, and several other states.

    This type of corporate ‘astroturfing’ is nothing new to either organization. While working to promote Social Security privatization, Freedom Works was caught planting one of its operatives as a “single mom” to ask questions to President Bush in a town hall on the subject.

    Last year, the Wall Street Journal exposed Freedom Works for similarly building “amateur-looking” websites to promote the lobbying interests of Dick Armey, the former Republican Majority Leader who now
    leads Freedom Works and is a lobbyist for the firm DLA Piper.

    Americans for Prosperity is run by Tim Phillips, who was Ralph Reed’s former partner in the lobbying firm Century Strategies. The group is funded by Koch family foundations — a family whose wealth is derived from the oil industry

    Indeed Americans for Prosperity has coordinated pro-drilling ‘grassroots’ events around the country.


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